Thanks @nerdyveggiegirl and @pipergymnast11 for your kind words last night.

  I am just a bit stressed out I am taking a class this summer where I have to put together a professional website--or what my university considers professional and everything I have been working on will NOT load to ths site for some reason or another. My live e-mail on the site says I am Mark Twain--since that was the default all of the websites have before the Education students take them over as their own.  I do not know if this makes any sense to anyone on Zanga--compiling your own website takes a lot of time and effort. I am beyond stressed and frustrated right now and I have until the 24 of this month to have a rough website live on the web--I am going to make it happen and talk to my professor on Tuesday evening when we have class again.  He knows me outside of class and knows how hard I work in and out of class. I just want to prove to him and mostly myself I can do this...I WILL AND CAN GET AN A in this course as well.  I am just a bit frazzled at the moment with how I am going to get everything loaded there in time, and to have a video ready as well...I need some help with editing and designing a video that will go along with what I am getting my License in when I graduate.  Mind you this website is not going to be graded fully until August 5 of this summer and then it has to be fully complete with our student teaching videos etc...once we are finished with student teaching--apparents we cannot graduate or even pass student teaching if this website is not fully finished or complete.  So I am going to have focus on how to fix my website over the weekend and the next few weeks are going to be spent at school whenever I am not working, sleeping, or spending time with friends--which is a whole different story just by itself. By no means am I am mad at my professor--he is a great teacher, I am more upset with the website that's all!

Anyway, I am also stressed because in order to be licensed as a teacher in this country we have to take a series of Praxis tests--I need to get a passing score on each test and if I do not I have to re-take the test which means I have to shovel out another $150+ dollars to take the test again...I take my first test on June 2.  I am afraid of standardized tests, and have always done not so well on them, however I did get into Graduate school after taking one and I CAN AND WILL PASS THE PRAXIS' tests I have to take to become a certified K-12 Intervention Specialist.  This whole process of becoming a teacher is long and will be worth the education I will have at the end of my program. In the mean time I just have to devote a lot of time and energy into something I am already passionate about--though I feel like none of my friends really get why I want to be a teacher except for my boyfriend and good friend, Sara--she is in the same program as me at the university we go to together.  My boss seems to understand as well along with my mother and if my father was well he would as well--my brother supports me.  I guess what matters is I believe that I will be a great Intervention Specialist and have all sorts of gifts in the area already. 

Anyway enough about school--life is going well other than the million and one things going on with school...I am blessed with a fantastic family (even though they do not directly live here anymore)...and my boyfriend is amazing...so supportive even though he works non-stop and is extremely passionate about his career--which motivates me to be a better person and educator all the time. I have the most loving felines in the world who wake me up in the morning with their purring and excitement for the day to see what is going on outside. I have a great group of friends--even though I feel like some are non-exisistent these days due to other life circumstances, I feel like one is spending way too much time with someone (my ex) who treated me like shit to help plan his wedding this summer, even though she does not approve of his marriage.  All and all though I have a great life, which I am forever thankful everyday I become a stronger and more independent young woman.  I do have my setbacks, which I am not discounting at all, my anxiety hinders my social skills at times, and my PTSD I struggle with at night where I cannot get to sleep and I have constant nightmares of my sexual assault.  Though I do have a fantastic job I can wake up to in the mornings and be excited to share my story and hear the stories of the adults I work with on a daily basis--what gets me through the day, you ask?! I guess it is just the appreciation that I am alive and well!

One more final I have left of the semester--Phonics this evening at 5PM and we should get out of class early--possibly, we have our Practicum (final), a pot luck and then she said she wanted to teach us something else--but everyone is like why should we even have to take the final when many of us are actually getting high A's in the course--I have done really well considering this semester I had never in my life entered into a Montessori classroom before.  I feel confident though with passing this class with a high A average, and I hope to at least get an A in my other class. I have been putting in a lot of time and effort into these classes this semester, and feel like I deserve A's--I CAN AND WILL GET A 4.0 again this semester--that's why I have stayed away from Zanga and Facebook in the past week--I need to figure out how I am going to maintain my 4.0, and one way of doing that is keeping myself unplugged.

Summer class starts next Tuesday I am taking two classes, not at the same time, but one class this May and then the other one starts in the middle of June and I will be done with class in July about the 12 and then I will have some time off before I start class again in the fall--which I am more nervous about than this past semester because I have a professor that apparently does not teach the subject matter that way, and it makes me rather nervous...We will see though, I have been doing really well and will continue too, just need to focus these next few years, and I will get through my program--I deserve to get through this program and to get a job I want once I graduate. I do not know where I will be in the country, but my hope at least is to be out West or in Western North Carolina--I love that part of the country, I have had discussions with Leo where he hopes to be and there is the possiblity if things should work out with us, I hope to go with him or wherever our lives head together. I love Leo, with all my heart and just want things to work out for the best with us and they will!

Everyone keeps me on my toes with asking where I am going to be in the next five years, I even had to answer it in my Annual Evaluation for work today, and honestly there is so much I wanted to say, but I kept it short and sweet--attempted to at least, but there is so much I want to accomplish for myself and what I want to do with my career--and my boss' husband just turned 35 today and he told me he could not believe I was going to be 30 next April and he just assumed I was a lot younger--which gives me a great laugh considering so many people think I look 18 or even in my early 20's...I take it with a compliment, and it makes me happy I look young...He said to enjoy my 30's since they are some of the best years of my life, and I say I look forward to the next decade or so, though I need to get through 29 first. From there I shall enjoy my 30's since there is so much direction my life could take then, and it makes me nervous but really excited to see where life takes me next! I feel like many challenges are going to be present, but life is wonderful/exciting so many different ways. 

Anyway, I could write and write about my birthday I had back on 21 of April, but I do not want to bore anyone with the details, though it was a great birthday, spent a lot of time with my boyfriend, we were supposed to camp, but that fell through since it was cold and rainy here in Cincy.  I did get a lot of great gifts this year and the one thing I want more than anything is to see my family this summer--somehow I will go and see them, I really want to visit my brother, to visit Florida for the first time, but with school and my two week vacation to the NorthWoods/Boundary Waters in early August with Leo, Sara, and Chris I may have to postpone things unless I can manage to rearrange my schedule where I can get two four day weekends in June and July...We will see though, taking it one day at a time, in the mean time just focusing on today--which is all I can do anymore--no need to fret or even to rush through life, things will work out for the best.

Sorry for the delay in entry, but I promise to write more this month and what not--the end of the semester always gets me and I just need time to relax and not worry so much about school, which is why I unplugg and read for pleasure whenever things get to be stressful!

Blessings ya'll!